I have a few friends who will seize any opportunity to drink rum, slap on an eye patch, and growl, "y'arrrr" all night. That is how I ended up seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 2 on opening night. I felt a little dirty going to a movie I did not want to see in full costume.
Two and a half hours later two things were going through my mind.
1) the vision of a boardroom of movie executives coming up with ideas on how to top the first Pirates of the Caribbean. Pens furiously flying across pads of paper jotting down idea after idea. Exclamations of, "this will be the greatest movie ever!" followed by cheers. I strongly believe they used every single idea, plot twist, and homage they could think of. This movie dragged on so long that someone in my row left with about three minutes left to use the bathroom. There honestly was no end in sight.
2) I was also pondering how they could have made the movie better. 60 minutes less of movie and a bottle of rum are a good start.
To think I was part of the box office record breaking weekend saddens me. I can't think of a bigger blockbuster piece of crap. Taking a theme park ride and trying to make it into a "Lord of the Rings" epic is where they went wrong. The movie reeks of a lack of choices in back story, characters, and plot. It seems as though egos prevailed and everything was left in. I set my bar low knowing that the possibility of disappointment but even a typically excellent Johnny Depp seemed played out and cartoonish. You can bet when "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Search for Curly's Gold" comes out next summer no amount of booze will get me in a seat. I would rather have a dead man crap on my chest then see this two and a half hour snore fest a second time.
1 star out of 5
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