The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

Sorry its been so long since my last entry, been real busy and haven't even had much of a chance to watch any movies at all. I did watch the classic original on Halloween and it was an unusually enjoyable experience... in a demented sort of way.

This is horror movie making at its most basic, most raw, and most effective. The grainy film, the demented family, the creepy on location sets, the young women with perky breasts in tiny halter tops and short shorts, the ill-fated road trip, and of course leather face. The ultimate B-rate 70's horror flick.

I have to admit that it is uncomfortable to watch because you feel guilty for enjoying your time watching such horror, however, it is not a bloody gore fest you'd expect. It is what it suggested by the scenes on screen that is the most demented. But it is so effectively made at all levels that it is horrifying.

TCM is at first just your better then average 70's slasher movie with young people getting murdered one by one followed by a chase scene where the damsel in distress screams and runs but can never quite get away from the bad guy... (at least leather face looks like he's running fast in most the other movies he is walking slow and she still can't outrun him!). Act 1, as I described, is a stereotypical horror movie, however it is better then most in presenting its horror cliches. However it is during Act 2, the dinner scene, where TCM finds its heart, so to speak, and becomes a classic. It is a scene that is painful to watch because it is brutally long and perfectly done to horrify your senses. It just keeps going and going and you just want it to end, yet you can't look away. I found on second viewing my reaction was not to cover my eyes or get sick, but to laugh because it is upsurd that civilized human being wrote this scene, then filmed it, then edited it, and produced it for other civilized human beings rent and watch all for the sake of entertainment. Yet entertaining it is! A raucous, demented, horrifying, hilarious, and outstanding piece of horror film making... a must see for horror movie fans, as well as fans of the craft of filmmaking.

" Look what your brother did to the door. Ain't he got no pride in his home."

3 out of 5 --> overall
4.5 out of 5 --> within its genre

( I felt two seperate rating were necessary as a cop out because it most deffinately is not a movie for everyone so I couldn't bring myself to giving a high recommendation, but for the effectiveness of conveying what it is trying to convey, however demented, there are few other horror movies that rival it )

Layer Cake (2004)

I really enjoyed this British film about burglary, arms running, and organized crime but there are a couple of things you need to know going in.

1) When I say British, I mean hard core tea drinking wankers who blast out the cheery-ohs like Austin Powers on speed. Basically, I spent the first 15 minutes only understanding the word fuck which for some reason always comes out in slow motion. Eventually, I got used to the cheeky sound--shine yor shooz guv'nah?

2) Get out your pencils and paper because the plot thickens and then multiplies like gremlins in a swiming pool. I kinda pride myself on being able to keep up with most plots but I gave up on this one. Honestly, I need to go back and catch it again which isn't a bad thing.

3 stars out of 5

Higher Ground (2005)

Warren Miller's newest installment is as classic as the legend's smooth narration. "Higher Ground" shows off some of the premier extreme winter sports across the globe. A lot of the coverage is of skiing and snowboarding but with some other crazy things thrown in to break up the 90 minutes.

I've seen Miller's previous films on TV or HBO but this year I went to a theater showing in downtown Denver. Maybe event is a better way to describe the pumped up atmosphere as powder-heads from around the area gathered to watch the show and enter the raffle. During the show the music absolutely pounded and people whooped and whistled especially during big crashes and wipe-outs.

While I didn't win the heli-ski trip to Portio, Chile I did get a free lift ticket to Copper Mountain and had a great time. If you get a chance to catch the Warren Miller tour, go for it!

3.5 stars out of 5

Flying Spaghetti Monster

This has nothing to do with movies but I felt it important enough to need a soap box--a little soap box that I like to refer to as Armageddon Blows. The Word of the Flying Spaghetti Monster really starting spreading after the Kansas School Board decided that evolution shouldn't be the only thing studied in science class. The alternative is called Intelligent Design, maybe you've heard of it but if not, it basically said that evolution is not responsible for the Earth as we know it but god's master plan. Keep in mind "ID" proponents insist that this has nothing to do with faith and is strictly scientific and can be supported by fact. I would be a fool to try and describe the new 3rd alternative, Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, when you can simply click on the link below.

http://www.venganza.org

Please drop AB a line about your thoughts on FSM, pro or con. Until then my stance will remain neutral.

Bottle Rocket (1996)

Owen and Luke Wilson make their film debut an instant classic. The movie follows Owen, Luke, and Bob Musgrave through a wacky introduction into the seedy underworld of organized crime. Amazingly, this is also Wes Anderson's directoral debut which he co-wrote with Owen. I think this film works as good if not better then some of his better known films, "The Royal Tenebaums" or "The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou". Don't get me wrong, I'm a big fan of "The Royal Tenebaums" and especially "Rushmore" which is why I put "Bottle Rocket" on my list in the first place. I just couldn't believe how much of a sleeper it is. I watched it on my laptop in the Salt Lake City airport and couldn't stop from cracking up. Much like Wes's other works, this film isn't for everyone but if any of the above made you chuckle then expect the same from "Bottle Rocket". Drop me a comment after you see it.

"This is my business manager, Row Boat" - Mr. Henry

4.5 stars out of 5

Closer (2004)

Adapted from a hit Broadway play, "Closer" follows the love lives of four people (Julie Roberts, Clive Owen, Jude Law, and Natalie Portman). Honestly, it must have taken me two weeks to finish this movie. I watched at least half in one sitting but had little interest to pick it back up again. I knew getting into it that it was kind of an arty flick but I was surprised at how unsatisfied I was at the end. I really didn't like anyone's performance despite really liking most of the actors. Don't get me wrong, watching Natalie Portman dance around in a g-string is never a waste of time but I just didn't find anyone to be believable--maybe they are too big for this kind of film. If you haven't seen this I would recommend you keep side stepping down the shelves.

"Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off" - Alice

2 stars out of 5

Sin City (2005)

The deal with this movie is that it is an adaption of Frank Miller's graphic novels. That much I can tell you from the back of the box. I think that graphic novel is just a more mature way to say comic book.

The look and feel of this film alone blew me away. The use of CGI is jaw dropping at times and helps to create a unique world like I've never scene in film. Similar to "Pulp Fiction" the film follows serveral characters that cross paths in the seedy underworld of Basin City. Big names like Benicio Del Toro, Bruce Willis, Clive Owen and the lovely Jessica Alba all deliver great performances but I think Micky Rourke steals the show as Marv. I still can't figure out who he is even though he's been in a lot of movies. I really liked the fresh cinematography and violent storylines and look forward the sequel.

"I'll stare the bastard in the face as he screams to God, and I'll laugh harder when he whimpers like a baby. And when his eyes go dead, the hell I send him to will seem like heaven after what I've done to him." - Marv

4 stars out of 5

Big (1988)

Tom Hanks is the great American actor of his era. No actor has been consistantly better movie after movie from the late 80's through all of the 90's until today. We know his award winning roles in "Saving Private Ryan," "Forrest Gump," and "Philadelphia," as well as his other great roles in "Appollo 13," "The Green Mile," "Terminal," and I think my favorite performance of his in "Castaway," which was much better even than his Oscar winning "Forrest Gump."

But in 1988 "Big" was his coming out party. While the movie may not be as 'serious' as some of Hank's other famous performances, I say it is equally as good. He matches the innocence and exuberence of a 13 year old boy with perfection. He also handles the scared little boy who wants just wants to be able to go back home to his mom. It is this confusion between wanting to be treated like and adult, yet still needing to be treated like a child which makes our teenage years so difficult and exciting, and which Hanks deftly handles with his performance... its as if you think Hanks was actually thirteen and really did just wake up as an adult the night before filming this movie. Other lesser actors would have just gone over the top and over acted... it would be an easy thing to in this role. Yet even during Hanks scenes where he does act especially child-like, such as the famous scene in the F.A.O. Schwartz toy store, or where his girlfriend spends the night... or 'sleeps over,' his exuberance is not over the top, yet also not under performed, he acts precisely as you would expect a 13 year old boy to act, from his big motions, down to the innocenct glimmer in his eye. An award worthy performance that is kind of overlooked probably because the movie is not a serious drama.

But "Big," while not a serious movie, is a great movie. It is funny, touching, poignant, sad, happy, and even romantic. Not many movies can boast to be all of those qualities at once. Just in case you don't remember I'll go over the plot real quick. A young boy, Josh is frustrated as many 13 year old boys can be about not being big or old enough to do a lot of the things he wants, such as ride on a roller coaster with the girl he likes (who is a good foot taller then he is like most 13 girls are). So after he wishes to be big at a Carnival game, he wakes up to literally find himself 30 years old and a full grown adult! As a 13 year old adult in New York City he fortuitously lands a great job for a toy company, meets a girl,and is successful, but finds he misses both his family as well as the fun and innocence of being child in a childs body. In some ways, especially for me, while re-watching "Big" I kind of felt like I went back to when I was a child because it was one of my favorite movies when I was about the same age as the boy in the movie. Watching it now as an adult I realize more so how effective "Big" is at what it is trying to do; every adult who watches this movie can't help but being taken back to a much more innocent time of our lives. Its success comes from reminding us what it was like to be a child. As you watch the movie you feel as if you are remembering the feelings you used to have, which are so easy to forget; the joys of silly string, and a trampoline. Or the excitement of being in your first limo and standing up out the sunroof as the big city rolls by, oblivious to the problems all around you.

It is a very fun family movie. And while it is pure science ficition in a way, it rings completely true. And is anchored by a fine, star-making, performance by one of our great actors. Re-watch "Big" and I gaurentee you a great time.

4 1/2 out of 5.

Freaks (1932)

Tod Browning's Freaks is by far the oldest movie I have ever rented. It's a black and white story about a circus and the freaks that work in it. Little person Hanz is in love with Cleopatra, a full size trapez artist. What Hanz doesn't realize is that she is only interested in his money.

What sets this movie apart is that Tod opted to use actual circus freaks instead of actors. I personally wasn't that shocked by the sight of people with deformities. I guess that's 2005 society for you but it really pissed off audiences in the 1930s. I actually liked the story right up until the end when it gets pretty twisted. Check it out if you are looking for something different.

2 stars out of 5

Fever Pitch

This movie is deffinately a rental; not worth paying 8.50 admission plus gas and time, however for some easy night-time entertainment is worth checking out.

It is a romantic comedy starring Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Falon. Barrymore is an big-city business woman and Jimmy Falon is a school teacher. They meet when Jimmy brings a small group of his students to her business for a field trip. Barrymore, while at first apprehensive falls for Jimmy's funny nice-guy, even if he is just a 'school teacher' especially compared to the shallow men she meets in the business world. Everything seems perfect until the baseball season starts. Then the psycho red sox fan comes out.

You can pretty much predict the story line. Things go good at first, then there's a crisis in the relationship, but in the end they both end up realizing that they were each the best thing they had and suprise, suprise... end up together. Sorry if I ruined it for you, but I'm pretty sure you knew going in how it would end.

So the story line was a typical cliche'd hollywood romantic comedy, and Jimmy Falon's acting while improved over his no discipline cracking up-looking at the camera performances in SNL was stilted and forced. Despite all it flaws Fever Pitch still hit a few notes just right for me to be able to recomend it, and the notes it does hit all have to do with the illogical passion a logical person can have for something as trivial as a professional sports team. Something I can definately relate to. The agony, and ecstasy fantatical fans feel are illustrated perfectly, and humorously in this movie, and if you are a psycho fan, or know one, Fever Pitch can be appreciated for its perfect observations on that phenomenon.

MST3K: Manos: Hands of Fate (1993)

This review is really going to solidify my nerd status. For those not in the know, MST3K is short for Mystery Science Theater 3000 and is the TV show where three people are forced to watch terrible movies with only their sense of humor to keep them sane. Technically it's just one guy, Joel, and two robots--you might recognize their figures silhouetted on the bottom of the screen. I should warn you that MST3K movies are not for the faint of heart. They are exceptionally bad on purpose and Manos: Hands of Fate should be worked up to since it is considered to be the worst of the worst.

This episodes starts off with "Hired 2", a black and white short created by Chevrolet for their car salesman. Hired 2 is pretty funny but you quickly forget about it once "Manos: Hands of Fate" starts. I've watched a lot of really terrible movies on MST3K but this one stands out for missing the mark over and over. Even if you forget about the fact that the audio never synchs up and several shots are blatantly out of focus, the plot and execution of this movie is awful, awful, awful. This is greatly contrasted by Joel and the bots who are excellent.

The plot is vaguely about a couple and their daughter getting lost. They meet Torgo who watches the place 'while the Master is away'. Torgo is this prospector looking guy with gigantic knees who talks funny and walks super slow to his own theme music. If it wasn't for the constant Torgo bashing this movie would be unwatchable. The rest of the movie is about escaping from the evil Master before they get turned into zombie creatures.

I came across a couple of interesting facts about Manos: Hands of Fate. In many circles it is regarded as the worst movie ever made. It has even spawned a making of movie in 2004 title "Torgo Hotel". One of the best Torgo fan sites is All About Torgo which gives you the low down on the man, the myth, the monster.

3 stars out of 5

"kinda like having Joe Cocker as your bell hop" - Tom Servo

Seducing Doctor Lewis (2003)

A small fishing village outside of Quebec is so broke it will do anything to bring jobs into the area. Before any factory will consider moving into the area they need to double their population and get a community doctor. Until then they line up each week to receive their welfare checks.

I enjoyed the way the town rallies together to convince Dr. Lewis he needs to live there. This movie can be enjoyed by the whole family but I feel I should warn you that it's only available in French so there is lots of "we we" and "blu blah blu" talk. You'll have to read subtitles because there isn't an English overdub. Another pretty decent pick from the folks at Netflix.

3 stars out of 5

Flightplan

My girlfriend, Denise and I had the opportunity to see a sneak preview of "A History of Violence" with Viggo Mortenson, but when we got to the theatre the actual film was not delivered to the theatre on time, so obviously we could not see that movie. Since it was a long drive and we were set to see a movie on the big screen we saw "Flightplan" instead. The following is my review of the movie.

"Flightplan" starring Jodie Foster is not the most consequential movie you will ever see, however it is a good effective suspence/thriller. Basic plot outline: Jody Foster is flying backto New York from Berlin where she works as a propulsion engineer. They are flying on a brand new jumbo jet, similar to the new Airbus. Foster's character has knowledge of the design of the airplane because she helped design the engines on it, a fact which comes in handy later. While in flight she and her daughter fall asleep, when she wakes up her daughter is no where to be found, none of the crew or passangers can recall ever seeing her, and there is no record of her ever have been on the plane at all. Here is where the mystery and suspense begins.

The movie is driven by Foster's performance, she gives another fine performance, portraying the anger, confusion, sadness, and gritty determination of her character note perfect. Also giving fine performance is a very good actor who not a lot of people are familiar with by name at least, Peter Saarsgaard. He has had a nice string of solid performances in "Shattered Glass," "Garden State," "Kinsey," and now "Flightplan", and will be an actor to keep your eye on for a long time to come.

With different actors the movie could have fallen apart because the plot walks an extremely thin tight rope of beleivability. I don't want to go into to great of detail about the plot because there are a number of twists which catch you by suprise. The screenwriters have done a fine job of making it across the tight rope to the other side without falling , although a few times along the way they nearly fell, but always were able to catch themselves. However, miraculously, if you are able to suspend your disbelief just a bit they make it work. The plot contrivences are beleivable, because as you watch the movie you don't question that they could happen the way they do. However, they probably would not. There is a silly side-plot involving middle-eastern passangers who of course get accused of wrong doing which feels a bit forced, but that is a minor quible.

If you want a fun, exciting ride then Flightplan is the movie for you. However, you can expect minor turbulance along the way.

My rating:

3 stars out of 5

Note: I read in today's paper that flight attendants are furious about how their portrayed in the movie and are calling for a boycot. While I'll admit that they aren't portrayed in the most positive light, I have to say... lighten up! It's just a movie. How many times have cops, or politicians, and even teachers been portrayed poorly in the movies you don't hear anything about them calling for a boycot every time a movie comes along where they are made to look bad.

Kung Fu Hustle (2004)

This is my new favorite movie. I faintly remember seeing the preview when it was going into the theater and thought it looked similar to "Kung Pow: Enter the Fist" (2002). Boy was I wrong. Although it is a Kung Fu type movie, it tells a much better story.

The basic plot revolves around an unsuccessful street thug that gets caught between the powerful Ax Gang and a poor villiage that stands up to them. I really get a kick out of the wacky humor mixed in with some awesome fighting scenes.

Unfortunately, the dialog is in Chinese but has both an over dub and subtitles. Even with the over dub the sound effects and music are some of the best I've ever heard. Make sure you have your 5.1 surround cranked up. Check out Kung Fu Hustle and let me know what you think.

4 stars out of 5

why the title 'Armageddon Blows'

As Brian mentioned in his original blog. He and I will be using this little site of ours to discuss movies both good and bad, giving our two cents into the already bloated world of movie reviews... but what the hell.

Brian gave me the task of coming up with a title and the best I could come up with was Armageddon blows. Why? No other movie illustrated clearly to me the vast difference in opinion I had with the majority of my peers. (Although Armageddon does in FACT blow, it is not just an opinion.) I heard discussions about how it was so good, and some girls even said they cried 'especially when Ben played with the animal crackers on Liv's stomach' etc. etc. So I watched it, with an expectation of it being a good movie ( I was much more naive back in those days.) And I found it revoltingly bad. It had every movie cliche' you could think of, and not only had them, but presented them poorly. The story was absolutely preposterous, NASA recruited some random oil-rig crew to be trained and sent into outer space, land on an asteroid moving at a rediculous speed, then navigate NASA designed machinery over the unknown surface to the prime location and drill a hole in an asteroid to detinate a nuclear bomb in the heart of the rock! Wouldn't it instead have made much more sence to just train the highly skilled and intellegent astronauts how to drill a hole?! And the one thing you might think could save a movie like this, the special effects, were suprisingly bad. The asteroid looked nothing like a rock. It had huge jagged, I don't know, icecles? jutting out everywhere. And the visuals were almost indistinguishable, cloudy and blurry. Beyond that, the camera kept quickly cutting from one close up to another so that even if it had good special effects (which it didn't) we hardly had any time to contemplate the effects we were seeing. Take the special effects of 2001 Space Oddyssy by comparrison, made some 30 years earlier in the late '60s. These were extremely effective, you could see what was happening, contemplate what you were seeing, and agree that for the most part they made physical sense and were somewhat realistic. I won't even get into the dialogue, or acting (by some good to respectable actors : Bruce Willis, Owen Wilson, Liv Tyler ; and even a couple of great actors : Steve Buschemi, and Billy Bob Thorton), because I don't want to bore you with my ranting any longer.

And I know some people can counter that I'm taking a movie like that too seriously and it is made just for the fun of the action... but my response is that a fun action packed movie that is not made to be a serious film can still be made with respectability... some good movies along these lines are: Die Hard, the original Star Wars movies (and I'd also include the Revenge of the Sith as well), Batman and Batman begins, Superman, X-Men 2, both Spider Mans, Aliens, and many others as well. Whereas Armageddon was a complete failure on all levels, (except at the box office, but popularity has almost no correlation to quality: look at the most recent top 10 music charts for evidence) and is one of the worst movies of all time, especially when considering the glowing recommendations I recieved to see it.

So now that I got the explanation of the title out of the way. I will just quickly explain this blog of ours. My accomplice Brian and I will be periodically posting different topics about movies. Maybe lists of our favorites, straight reviews of individual movies, comments on actors, which movies we think will win awards, lists of favorites or woste of all time of different catagories. Most anything having to do with movies.

Why movies? We both enjoy them and have strong opinions on them. And while we could have included other topics, we didn't want this blog to become some open discussion board where people could just place random thoughts about anything... we wanted focus to make it more valuable. And other topics especially politics are just too serious, we wanted to keep this a bit lighter...and fun. So movies made the most sense to accomplish these ends. Feel free to comment on any of our posts, in fact we want to get feedback... to hear people tell us were idiots or geniuses, or whatever you might want to say.

So talk to you next time.

Armageddon (1998)

Armageddon Blows, really it does. Watching it was the first time I realized that I had a different taste in movies then the main stream. I couldn't believe how many people told me I had to see it. From then on I've been looking for good movies and they are few and far between. I plan on posting some good flicks on here in weeks to come. Keep your eyes open for some picks from my partner in crime, Nick.