Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

I have a few friends who will seize any opportunity to drink rum, slap on an eye patch, and growl, "y'arrrr" all night. That is how I ended up seeing Pirates of the Caribbean 2 on opening night. I felt a little dirty going to a movie I did not want to see in full costume.

Two and a half hours later two things were going through my mind.

1) the vision of a boardroom of movie executives coming up with ideas on how to top the first Pirates of the Caribbean. Pens furiously flying across pads of paper jotting down idea after idea. Exclamations of, "this will be the greatest movie ever!" followed by cheers. I strongly believe they used every single idea, plot twist, and homage they could think of. This movie dragged on so long that someone in my row left with about three minutes left to use the bathroom. There honestly was no end in sight.

2) I was also pondering how they could have made the movie better. 60 minutes less of movie and a bottle of rum are a good start.

To think I was part of the box office record breaking weekend saddens me. I can't think of a bigger blockbuster piece of crap. Taking a theme park ride and trying to make it into a "Lord of the Rings" epic is where they went wrong. The movie reeks of a lack of choices in back story, characters, and plot. It seems as though egos prevailed and everything was left in. I set my bar low knowing that the possibility of disappointment but even a typically excellent Johnny Depp seemed played out and cartoonish. You can bet when "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Search for Curly's Gold" comes out next summer no amount of booze will get me in a seat. I would rather have a dead man crap on my chest then see this two and a half hour snore fest a second time.

1 star out of 5

Lucky Number Slevin (2006)

While working in Wichita I caught this movie. It edged out "Scary Move 4" for my eight dollars but I was pleasantly surprised. I don't even remember seeing a commercial for it but I figure if it has Bruce Willis it can't be any dumber then another horror parody. The movie follows Josh Hartnett and he gets caught between two rival king pins in a case of mistaken identity.

If you do the math on this review you will notice that the movie has probably already come out on video. That is good news for you because it is only rental material anyway but I needed to post something in hopes of getting me interested in this blog again.

3 stars out of 5

The Constant Gardener

Every so often an exciting young new director comes on the scene who once you see their first few movies you know that everyone they direct from then on will be one to watch, Quinten Tarrantino in the 90's comes to mind. With "The Constant Gardener" following the brilliant "City of God" from 2003, Brazilian director Fernando Mierreles may be the next. His movies are alive and fresh giving beauty and life to some of the most poor, destitute places in the world. In "City of God" it was the slums of Rio de' Jenero, in "The Constant Garder" it is the shanty town of Nairobi, Kenya. In both movies he brings out the life that is burning strong within these places, but which most observers would probably miss because they are too distracted by the horrid conditions and the severe poverty.

Before I give my full review I highly reccomend that everybody sees Mierreles debut "City of God," it is a foreign movie with subtitles from Brazil which maybe was the best movie overall out of that year. (With the exception of course of "Lord of the Rings: Return of the King") yet wasn't even nominated for best foreign language film! (One of my posts in the future is worst Oscar f-ups... here's a preview: "Titanic" over "L.A. Confidential!") But I digress, "The Constant Gardener" is Mierreles first foray into English film and it does not dissapoint, an excellent follow up to a tremendous debut.

"The Constant Gardener" is a balances several genres in one movie, it is a murder-mystery, and a critique of big-business corruption. But at its heart it is a moving love story. The greatness of this movie is that it is able to blend these seemingly different genres into one beautiful whole, so that each aspect is integral to and supported by the other. I will not get to deep into describing the story because a major plot developement happens early in the movie and is the basis of the ensuing mystery.

The movie is grounded by several excellent performances, especially from the two leads, Ralph Fiennes, as Justin Quayle, a mid-level British Ambassador to Kenya, whose passion is his garden, and Rachel Weiss as his wife, Tessa, a strong willed activist for human rights in Africa. Weiss, who rightfully won an academy award for best supporting actress for this role, gives a strong performance. Tessa is a strong willed, terse, and vocal activist and Weiss portrays the intensity of her beliefs with great passion, but also handles the quieter, sensitive side of Tessa's personality with equal passion. We come to discover through the course of the movie, as does her husband, Justin, the resons behind her motives and spirit, and as the movie progresses so does the depth of the character, Tessa. The same can be said for Justin, he at first seems to be a bit of a bore; introverted and more interested in his garden and his predictable plants than to human relationships. But through the developements of the plot, a fire is stoked in his belly, and he comes to find and release the same passion within himself that Tessa wears so proudly on her sleeve. Fiennes is equal to the task and what can be said for Weiss's performance is also true for his.

The excellent screenplay, complicated full of flashbacks and memory flashes, is grounded by the performances, but at the heart of the story is Kenya. Mierelles is brilliant at filming on location and finding the beauty within the most desolate of places. Throughout "The Constant Garderner" Mierrelles finds this beauty in the vast wilderness of the African landscape, and especially within the residents of the location. He utilizes the residents and makes them an integral part of the story, movingly portraying the vitality, determination, life, and love of the Kenyans he films. He proves that the beauty of any place comes not just from the physical landscape, but especially from the people who inhabit the place. Africa proves to be the most lasting aspect in the viewer who wathces this excellent movie.

Please see this movie, and "City of God" because they have the feeling of the beginning of a great career for a wonderful director. The life and energy Mierelles brings to "The Constant Garderner" is arresting, and moving. But when you add to that a great screenplay and strong acting all around, what you get is a memorable, excellent movie.

4 out of 5 stars
City of God: 5 of 5

Note: Brian, interesting that you reviewed "City of God." I actually started this review months ago, and am glad that you have seen it. I agree with Zack, and no disrespect to you, but "City of God" is one of my favorite movies... now you have to see "The Constant Gardener." I can't wait to see what he does next. It will be hard to keep up.

Comedian (2002)

An intimate and at times painful look at two comedians, Jerry Seinfeld and Orny Adams. This documentary takes place after Seinfeld's TV show and follows Jerry as he crafts a totally new act. Orny Adams is still trying to make his way up and adds contrast to Jerry's style both in comedy and in life. To be honest the story line is pretty boring and the actual stand up is few and far between but there was something really exciting about this film. I really enjoyed this oddball angle on the actual craft of stand-up comedy and what brings stand-ups back for more.

4 stars out of 5

City of God (2002)

The City of God (Cidade de Deus) is a slum located outside of Rio de Janeiro where violence and corruption rules the streets. The story follows Rocket as he grows up in the dangerous environment living day by day. I can only assume this film is based somewhat on real life. Unless you speak Portuguese, you'll have to read subtitles but it didn't really deter me from liking this movie. Over all, the movie is directed beautifully and really sucks you in. If you don't mind subtitles I would check this one out.

3 stars out of 5

The Aristocrats (2005)

This 90 minute documentary on the telling of one single joke really caught me off guard. The same joke, that dates back to at least the 1920s, told over and over again by dozens of comedians had me cracking up. What is this joke and how can this film be funny you are thinking? They key is the joke, same beginning and punch line but the middle is open to interpretation. Let's just say doing the middle tastefully will get you no where. There is a good reason this movie is UR, I think the censors would have a heart attack in just the first 10 minutes. If you like gross, vile and extremely offensive humor check it out.

"The Aristocrats!" - everyone in the film

4 stars out of 5

Primer (2004)

My brother tipped me off to this 2004 Sundance Grand Jury winner. Due to the nature of this film I couldn't even start a review until I watched it twice. This is going to be tricky because I don't want to give a single thing about the plot for fear of ruining it. Let's just say the movie starts off with some nerdy engineers working on inventions in their spare time in their garage. Serendipitdy strikes (not the crappy chick flick) and they are faced with some tough decisions.

This movie really appealed to the nerd in me and had me trying to work out the details for weeks. I found it to be an amazing example of what can be done with a small budget. How small you might ask? I read online somewhere that it was done for $7,000 which wouldn't even have covered Bruce Willis's bar tab for "Armageddon".

"What's worse, thinking you're being paranoid or knowing you should be? " - Aaron

4 stars out of 5